Wednesday, April 8, 2009

~secrets unfold~

I thought it'd be fun to write an entry about the ever so popular "Coming Out" stories. I have two, but the one from high school is better. It was junior year. I had this friend, (i'll change her name) Rebecca. We were really cool. And usually at lunch we would chill and talk till the period was over. I had made a cool friend who i got along with. Fast forward a couple months later I get an email from her revealing this big ass crush she's been developing for me. And I think in my mind "DAMN IT".

I look back and think how cute I acted. I literally cried, and then wrote a letter. The letter was to Rebecca saying why i didn't like her the same way... duh. I took it so serious, my hand was literally shaking when I gave her the letter. I told her read it when you get home and I ran to the train.

The night was stupid. I kept thinking shit shit shit, she's gonna hate me, tell people, ... the works. The next day I try to get to school early and maybe miss her before class starts. But who is at the front entrance waiting for me... Rebecca. I did the whole pause and look at her face to see if i could tell how she was feeling. She gave me a nod of okay-ness and then she gave me a hug.

This experience was a turning point for me. Because of it I had this mission to come out to my friends and I did. Of course I got the whole, "You didn't think I knew already" which annoyed me a bit, but like hey I thought i was under the radar (DENIAL MAJOR!!! =D). When I came out to the teachers at the high school I got hugs from all the Female professors, that was funny. I'm not sure why, but I really like making friends with my professors. Does anyone know the feeling?

Anyways, however moved by the acceptance of my friends I'm still scare till this day to come out to my parents. Whether they know or not it still matters. I'm not sure I'm ready to know how do/would think of me. This is my secret.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Years Resolutions

Heres what I have so far.

1) BE ACTIVE!!! I hate feeling like shit and not moving doesn't help. When I speak about my likes and dislike I always mention dancing and I realize I don't do enough of it. I need to get my ass up. I also figure I can verge this resolution with another. I want to exercise. Before tackling my eating intake I want to work on my body directly (does that make sense?). Anyway exercise 3 times a week for 45-to-60 minutes at a time.

2) I want to read the Bible (should it be capitalized?). Anyway. I do believe in God and want a better spiritual relationship to the Lord.

3) Music, love it and I should do something with that love. I want to re-learn to read & write music. My goal is to write 2 songs. This will be on the piano, which I also hope to "play". 2009 will be my introduction to the world of creating music.

4) Okay lets talk about the weight. Whether I look it or not (i know i do), I am 277 lbs. I'm not gonna say it's all fat because I know it's not, BUT! my goal, which isn't a bad one. is to lose 50-ish pounds. But to be specific because I know much of a HOT TOPIC losing weight can be. I want to lose 50 pounds of bad fat. I know i have it. Lets get rid of it.

5) Maybe snag a boyfriend. Or at least put myself out there that way. I really don't know how to date.... sad =( but true.

I feel like (for the first four) this is a solid list and with that I bid you farwell. I must sleep for work. I'm a working boy now. =D.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

For the Month of January

These last couple of days have been interesting. I finished my 2nd semester at Hunter College. I returned to my mothers job for Winter Break. I'm already freaking out to pay next semesters bill (due 1/5/08 or else i'll lose all my classes), and all i feel like doing is lying on my bed watching my gay Soups.......... bAAAAAsically. haha.

I don't know how I managed to pull out two A+'s this semester (not that I'm complaining) all I'm waiting for is for is one more grade. But the teacher is freaking over-worked as it is, so i let life live and chill till it's posted. Hunter College has been good for me in different ways. I'm working at a company called IceStone, where they make eco friendly contertops. My parents will soon have their counter tops for their new Kitchen. Can't wait to get my first pay check =D. I dread bugging my mother to pay the tuition bill, but sacrifices must be made, I'm totally saving for textbooks ( I must give a little).

As for my Soup watching, that still continues. What do I watch? Two shows. On YouTube, someone was kind enough to edit and upload Luke & Noah's storyline of "As the World Turns". Yes it's a Daytime Soap ( I'll just ignore the stares ). And if it isn't ATWT, Some other YouTube member has done the same for a German Drama, called "Verbotene Liebe" (Forbidden Love) for the characters Christian & Oliver. UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. Surprisingly they are a couple of firsts. Luke & Noah are the first (and for now, only) gay male kiss on Daytime Soap Television. Christian & Oliver are the first gay couple in German Drama (or at least that's what the website said).

Anyway these will be my obsessions for the month of January. Happy New Year! What are your plans?


P.S. using my newly hound "Linguistical" powers I can tell you that with a little Voicing here and a little Fronting there, you and I can totally see that Verboten=Forbidden. I absolute love it. <3<3

P.S.2 Maryam I'm gay. (That's 2) haha

Saturday, December 27, 2008

My Floor Broke.

For those that don't know, when I moved to Staten Island, my parents gave me the basement. It was to become my room and for the past five years it has been so. This Winter season the floor decideds to open up so that after it snowed and rained. My carpet became wet. Now at first it was a smal circle on the floor. I though I had drop some water. so i just let it stay there to dry up. But it never went away and it kept growing. A week later and I'm using a Wet Vaccum to suck some of the water caught in the rug. This is a big part of the reason i'm not having such a fab Christmas. I spent the day with the vaccum again, the smell has almost gone away but the carpet is still wet. What pisses me off the most is my parents saying they won't do anything till like the spring. why I don't know.

Friday, December 26, 2008

The Change We Need!


This is the third time i write this entry. I wasn't happy with the other they seemed to moppy.

Christmas was fine. I'd say that the highlight was spending time with my cousin (Yarian) and her husband (Carlos). Although Orginially from Puerto Rico, Carlos is attending University (don't know which one) at North Dakota. Why lol don't ask me. I rarely see her and it was great to spend time with Family. I wish my parents would feel the same. For Christmas, after having breakfast with the family, and opening the presents from my Aunt. ( I got two more pairrs of Converse... Yay me!!!) they left and went back to their house to continue construction with the kitchen! Taking a day off was to much of an inconvenience. Oh well, I just need to get over it. My parents no long care about this holiday. They have this way for half assing that just piles on to the reasons i need to move out of the house. But of course I can't do that joy.

I'll stop here. My hopes are that people feel different and that they obviously had a much better holiday than I did. Excuse my crappiness. I need to chug a gallon of orange juice while my body fights a cold.

Happy Holidays! 2009 feel free to come ahead of schedule.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Don't Laugh!..... okay maybe just a littlle.

This post is in response to the comment life by my dear follower Uri. haha. The answer is yes. I started this blog bAAAAASICALLY because of her. I have super-stalker tendencies. So when she told her Intro class to check out her diet blog I was all for it. However I did feel a little selfish (being all up in her life). I thought to balance it out I'll offer a piece of myself as an awesome reward. Whether she reads it or not, it's all cool by me. (She's already a follower LOL).

And in case your wondering. UM. I don't know how to respond to a comment. hahaha. I know, I'm such a goof. But that's why everyone loves me =D.

I'd end with: "Blog you later." But i'm done being awkward today.


P.S. Maryam you are the Jalapeno Pepper of Popularity!!! Take that to the BANK>

Monday, December 22, 2008

It's Finally Over... now the wait!

This afternoon at about 1:30pm I finished my last final of the semester (Japanese 101). I felt it was super fair, and was totally Ace-able. Did that happen, not quite, but I'm still optimistic. But freeze before I continue I must speak of the massive cramp session I put myself through the night before. Here it goes.

Sunday was supposed to be all about Japan. I thought to study, I'll play some J-pop music in the background so that my environment was all Japanese. What really happened was:

9:00am: Mother wakes me up and invites me to Ihop for Breakfast (how can I say no)

10:30am: Come back and decided to take a nap till twelve since I haven't been getting good sleep a all.

11:3oam: Mother interrupts my sleep because her and my father need my help to hold the ceiling up in the kitchen (its under construction).

11:45am: Any sleep I acquirred had just been negated and so the new plan is for one.

3:00pm: I wake up. Alarm didn't go off. Why? cuz my father has a habbit of turning of the curciut breaker for his own purposes. I'm pissed and there for decided to watch my Gay German soup Opera on YouTube. I end up finishing all the videos that are posted (a totall of 137 vids).

10:30pm: After the Soap Opera had nothing new for me I moved on for a "quick" glance at Facebook. This quick glance became slushed with filtering out my Friends and getting rid of the people I know will never wall me. I was left with 285 or some number. No to mention did a couple of back and fourth commenting with peeps.

12:30am: At this point i'm still not nervous i tell myself I'll start at one after I read this Maryams diet Blog. Um yeah, 38 entries later, it's 2:45am. Maybe I read slow or maybe i'm was tired. Didn't matter. I was happy my study session began.

Japanese Study Session:
Texted my fellow class mate for some moral support. (That helped, a lot I love that girl.)
Spent the next two hours review the Vocabulary from Chapters 1 - 3. That was fun, I knew most of it. I decided to take a nap. I put all the alarms at my disposal for 5:00am. I hit snooze twice for 5:20 wake up call. Time to continue. Chapter 4 and 5 were a bit difficult But i managed about 85% absorption. Lost contact with friend around 6:00am. It just figure she fell asleep. So i take a nap in the living room tell my mom to wake me up at 7:00. Don't get up till 7:3oish. Take a much needed shower. Get dressed , pack my bag, and dispite being frightened shit-less for fear of my final starting at 9 and me missing it, I make it to school level headed and calm. My final started at 11:30 and ended at one.

That was my life in two days part. Pardon while I sleep and wake up NEVER.

kudos to those who live like this every day you are true Soilders.