Wednesday, April 8, 2009

~secrets unfold~

I thought it'd be fun to write an entry about the ever so popular "Coming Out" stories. I have two, but the one from high school is better. It was junior year. I had this friend, (i'll change her name) Rebecca. We were really cool. And usually at lunch we would chill and talk till the period was over. I had made a cool friend who i got along with. Fast forward a couple months later I get an email from her revealing this big ass crush she's been developing for me. And I think in my mind "DAMN IT".

I look back and think how cute I acted. I literally cried, and then wrote a letter. The letter was to Rebecca saying why i didn't like her the same way... duh. I took it so serious, my hand was literally shaking when I gave her the letter. I told her read it when you get home and I ran to the train.

The night was stupid. I kept thinking shit shit shit, she's gonna hate me, tell people, ... the works. The next day I try to get to school early and maybe miss her before class starts. But who is at the front entrance waiting for me... Rebecca. I did the whole pause and look at her face to see if i could tell how she was feeling. She gave me a nod of okay-ness and then she gave me a hug.

This experience was a turning point for me. Because of it I had this mission to come out to my friends and I did. Of course I got the whole, "You didn't think I knew already" which annoyed me a bit, but like hey I thought i was under the radar (DENIAL MAJOR!!! =D). When I came out to the teachers at the high school I got hugs from all the Female professors, that was funny. I'm not sure why, but I really like making friends with my professors. Does anyone know the feeling?

Anyways, however moved by the acceptance of my friends I'm still scare till this day to come out to my parents. Whether they know or not it still matters. I'm not sure I'm ready to know how do/would think of me. This is my secret.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Years Resolutions

Heres what I have so far.

1) BE ACTIVE!!! I hate feeling like shit and not moving doesn't help. When I speak about my likes and dislike I always mention dancing and I realize I don't do enough of it. I need to get my ass up. I also figure I can verge this resolution with another. I want to exercise. Before tackling my eating intake I want to work on my body directly (does that make sense?). Anyway exercise 3 times a week for 45-to-60 minutes at a time.

2) I want to read the Bible (should it be capitalized?). Anyway. I do believe in God and want a better spiritual relationship to the Lord.

3) Music, love it and I should do something with that love. I want to re-learn to read & write music. My goal is to write 2 songs. This will be on the piano, which I also hope to "play". 2009 will be my introduction to the world of creating music.

4) Okay lets talk about the weight. Whether I look it or not (i know i do), I am 277 lbs. I'm not gonna say it's all fat because I know it's not, BUT! my goal, which isn't a bad one. is to lose 50-ish pounds. But to be specific because I know much of a HOT TOPIC losing weight can be. I want to lose 50 pounds of bad fat. I know i have it. Lets get rid of it.

5) Maybe snag a boyfriend. Or at least put myself out there that way. I really don't know how to date.... sad =( but true.

I feel like (for the first four) this is a solid list and with that I bid you farwell. I must sleep for work. I'm a working boy now. =D.